"So, you've been dumped by a hallucination? That's gotta hurt."

I can’t think of a suitably momentous title but heeeere’s Suzy…

dumpedbyahallucination — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 21:25:26 +0000

Because I’m a sucker for flattery I’m back! Briefly! Well, not so briefly, actually; I intended to be brief but it turns out I had more to say than I thought I did, so this isn’t really that brief at all… as you can see, instead of collapsing hard drives across the globe I split it into chunks and put the chunks on pages, and this way it’s like an entire year’s worth of blogging in one post! You’ve got all the ingredients:

The post where there are several dramatic descriptions of the current state of me
The charmingly irrelevant anecdote post
The ‘because no mini-blog is complete without a crappy little bit of self-indulgence…’ post
The climactic and eagerly anticipated finale post

It’s all there! Contain your excitement!

Anyway, I get the feeling that some people may have given up on the idea that poor old DBAH would ever have another post on it (pessimists! Whatever would have given them that impression?), so tell your friends, tell your mother, tell your ex, rickroll it, spread the word like a Jehovah’s missionary, make the relentless spamming of this post around the internet your New Year’s resolution! It is also an excellent way to improve your karma. Seriously.

I am telling you to click this link! Do it! Now!

dumpedbyahallucination — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 14:06:20 +0000

I’d like to steer you towards flatdietcoke, possibly the greatest thing to hit the web since garfieldminusgarfield. The URL comes courtesy of la and its name comes courtesy of, uh, me. So what is this name? you cry. Ah. Well, that’d be telling. Go have a look. (For those of you who are too lazy to click the link, I’m already calling it Dumped By An Hallucination in my head – note that vital extra N! – not that that is the name.) You don’t have to be crazy to go there and I’m not even going to add ‘but it helps’ (crap, I just did) because it doesn’t: I’m not (haven’t been for a while), and it’s my forum. So nyeh!

I guess that just about rounds this off, then. I’d like to say something spectacularly mind-blowing but I can’t think of anything. Oh, well.

Happy Monday!

Suzy the Grot

dumpedbyahallucination — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 16:08:15 +0000

Erm. I just went to make dumpedbyanotherhallucination.somethingorother.com and it turns out the URL must be twenty letters or less. This is probably called outstaying my welcome, but seeing as:

butimkeepingthesandwich

morepossessivethanthegenitivecase

anothernameforeggnoodles

janeeyresurvivorsleague

thehallucinationstrikesback

iameatingmyeggnoodles

are now all ruled out (not that some of them were ever ruled in – ahem!), are there any brevity-loving readers out there who feel currently inspired? Even the word ‘hallucination’ on its own takes up thirteen of those letters – not that it has to be included, o’ course.

(I feel so stupid sticking around here for so long! Like the last bit of grot on a dirty pan… that’s me all over.)

I cannot let that sentence be the last thing I post here (because obviously I’ll never post again, yeah right, Robinson). OK. How about this: the winner gets… my real name (not to keep. Just to have and to hold till – erk. Don’t go there). Jeez, what an incentive! Your mind just started ticking over so loudly I can hear it from down Cardiff way. And I might not stick to that. So let’s just pretend there never was an incentive to spare all my lying blushes.

Pretty please cake-style with a metaphorical or possibly simply allusory cherry on the allegorical top?

Edit: ah, I forgot! Here’s a better note to leave on, because, yeah, I’m rather fond of Facebook (and OK, ’Because everybody knows Suzy is a sucker for attention’) : http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=31819553045, courtesy of zulululu who is lovely and has nothing I can link back to to show my appreciation of her loveliness, unfortunately. (I think you have to log in to Facebook before it works but I’m not sure.)

Yes yes, OK, I’m eating my words…

dumpedbyahallucination — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 19:32:20 +0000

Yes, all right, it’s another post, big whoop. Anyway. I’ve been convinced it’s entirely possible for a techno-retard to set up an internet forum and the forum website actually looks like it might not sabotage this computer if I did. It would be like conversation without having to have anyone’s posts spark the conversation off! Yes! See the exclamatory enthusiasm here?! (I really hate double-punctuated sentences like that one!)

Erm. Anyway (again). So, anyone up for it? All are welcome…

Edit: I’m lazy competition time, then: what do we call it? I have no decent ideas whatsoever; the quote for my blog title took all the title-related creativity out of me…

The record shows I took the blows and did it my [fill gap with word of choice]

dumpedbyahallucination — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 14:18:00 +0000

I’m alive. Mm-hm, contrary to popular belief I am alive and well and have been alive and well for the last however-long-it’s-been-since-I-posted-last. As I intend to continue in this generally alive-and-well state, I think I’m giving up blogging. All my kneejerk self-analysis isn’t really very helpful. It’s so not-really-helpful it’s unhelpful. (As is excessive hyphenation, Suzanne.) I need to phase it out.

(It was all so perfect I couldn’t decide which line to take, but obviously I finally settled on one barely more apt than the rest…)

If I’m to be like John Cleese with Fawlty Towers I should quit while I’m ahead. I will never be like John Cleese in Fawlty Towers because a, I’m female, b, I have no moustache, and c, I passed the point where I was ahead a long time ago, but hey – I was having fun. And I’m still having fun, and it’d be kinda nice to have this online retreat for when real life gets a bit difficult, people-wise

(“Suzy, why do you hate me?”

“I don’t hate you.”

“But you look at me like you hate me.”

“No I don’t, you’re wonderful, you’re great, you’re my best friend almost sort of after Danny!”

“But you don’t talk to me!”

“No, you don’t talk to me!”

I swear these girls go out their way to misinterpret my expression as general hatred)

, but if I stay here I’ll have to keep posting, which I think would be foolish. I’d much rather just stick around for the company, but no one’s going to comment and talk to me if I don’t post anything for them to comment on (answering comments was probably the one of the highest highlights of this whole business). So, I mean, if anybody has anything they want to say, or if anyone wants to speak to me, or keep in touch, or whatever - whatever you crazy stalkers feel like doing – there’s my (alias’s) email address over to the left, and I guess I’ll keep logging in so I can follow WordPress blogs through the rather nifty WordPress-following things, so I’ll see comments (hah) and suchlike, and… uh, if I get round to it I might make that infamous hidden post of pictures and so on, but by then no one will be coming here any more so it’ll languish unread forever. So.

Yeah. I guess that’s it, then. This blog will be six months old on Thursday and that’s probably a good place to leave it. I heard that adults are generally embarrassed when they revisit teenage diaries and see their introspective, self-obsessed, mock-profound mumblings: I have posted my introspective, self-obsessed, mock-profound mumblings up for the world to see and I get the feeling I am going to regret this action so much when I’m older.

Ta-rah for now, then.

A centenary of faeces and faces

dumpedbyahallucination — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 14:48:06 +0000

I realise that when I’m down I post bitchy things about people you don’t know and probably never will, and I’m sure that for anyone other than me, it’s confusing and unnecessary and pointless; but it helps me, in a very strange way, find a very strange form of catharsis. And if I tried to keep my friends and acquaintances out of what I write, and tried to neutralise the tone of my writing when they are unavoidably brought in, then I would have nothing to say – it’s the people problems that cause all my problems, though I guess in a greater or lesser way all problems are caused by people, so that was hardly the most profound statement I’ve ever made. I just mean that if I never mentioned Rhiannon (and her ilk), and if I never mentioned my multifarious and various issues with Rhiannon (and her ilk), then, o my Reader, you would find yourself dearly in need of contextual information: this girl says she is touchy but how touchy does she mean? She says she is possessive but how possessive does she mean? She says she is shit with friends but is this a proper fibrous shit or a sloppy yellow one like off You Are What You Eat (as I’m not sure which of those would be worse I can’t tell you)?

And in this way I qualify my actions and assure myself that if any of those I have defamed in this blog get litigious on my backside they’ll be prosecuting on the evidence of hearsay and rumours. Or something.

Urgh. I feel dirty writing this.

(Rhiannon hates me now. I can see it in her eyes. She says nothing to me without loading it with attempted insults and double-meanings; she’s rubbish at insults and double-meanings, but I get where she’s coming from. I don’t mind. It’s just the rational reaction to me. And that’s all, on people I know. I’ve said more than enough.)

*

I’m under the impression that this is my hundredth post, although I may be mistaken as the WordPress dashboard is providing me with two different post counts in two different places. Let’s assume it is. An occasion like this shouldn’t be the sort of occasion that involves me talking about faeces. Let’s pretend that didn’t happen. OK. Moving on.

I’ve been thinking about doing something along these lines, but I’m scared people will shout at me for being vain/self-indulgent/attention-seeking. Yes, it’s my blog, I can do what I like here, but it’s also my poor self-control; if I think anyone is thinking any of those things I will Get In A Bad Way. That’s not a threat; it’s a fact. See, now I’m concerned people will think I’m trying to manipulate you. I don’t know who these ill-thinking people are, but I’m sure they’re thinking it, all the same.

So… what do you think, anyone? Is it necessary to see the blogger? Even if it’s not absolutely necessary, would you want to anyway? Does it make a difference to you if you have seen the blogger? Do I realise I’m repeating myself here? (I do.) Are people I don’t feel I know well enough to send a password going to verily smite me if I don’t? And why am I so concerned about what people think?

Not saying I’m the Son of God, but…

dumpedbyahallucination — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 18:31:16 +0000

I made a big post. I may yet post the big post. But as, at the moment, that famous capacity for unstable interpersonal relationships is being displayed to its fullest extent, the sitch is somewhat tricky. I don’t know whether I’m coming or going, and unfortunately nor does anybody else I speak to. The only person who appears to be getting through this unscathed is Danny, and it’s strange – I have a screaming fit at somebody and am leaping round yelling, and Danny walks in, and I sit at her feet, and I can see them staring at me in confusion because all of a sudden I’m calm as Jesus ever was. All the charm I’m so infamous for is all being saved up and used on her. She doesn’t mind. I’ve never argued with her, not in six years of being friends. She sees nothing unusual in my being friendly and chatty, because for her, it’s not. She doesn’t even notice Rhiannon et al. staring at her in amazement: what’s she got that I don’t? How does she get off like that without even trying? And it’s so odd. Danny is now garnering the same respect a natural-born lion tamer might.

In related news, Rhiannon is starting to grow a backbone: sixteen years overdue, but hey. I feel absurdly maternal. I was having a fairly justified go at New Kid Katie and Rhiannon was there so she got some of it too, and she started yelling back at me that she was nothing to do with it, she’d never said that, what new shit was I chatting now, eh?

Then Danny came in.

Jeez, I love school. (I am sincere. I do.)

Frothy as coffee and shallow as breathing

dumpedbyahallucination — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 17:15:42 +0000

After only a few heavy hints, the lovely lovely sulz (oops – Nessa has too, now) has tagged me with a meme I liked so much I had to hint over it, just because I wanted to do it. It’s been a while since I memed last (been a while since I posted last, excepting yesterday) so, OK, here you go. Back to the inside of my head, after that recent jaunt to the outside of it.

Instructions:
a) Answer the questions below, do a Google Image search with your answer, take a picture from the first page of results, and do it with minimal words of explanation.

b) Tag 5 other people to do the same once you’ve finished answering every question.

Edit: if you hover your cursor over a photo, the alt-text will explain its meaning. It took me long enough to get those texts in so you better appreciate them now you know they’re there!

1. The age you’ll be on your next birthday

2. A place you’d like to travel to

This is Trondheim, in Norway. I don’t necessarily want to go there when it’s snowing, just so long as I get to go there.

3. Your favourite place

4. Your favourite food

5. Your favourite pet

6. Your favourite colour combination

7. Your favourite piece of clothing

I can’t paste the photo, and it’s not strictly clothes, and I know it’s not from the first Google results page but I thought I’d continue yesterday’s theme with the most amazing photo ever. Well. Possibly not, but still.

http://www.dreadheadhq.com/dreadpics/viewer.php and put this number in the Picture ID box: 0065_001

If she has a blue hairband it’s the right one. If not, I’m a technical eejit.

8. Your favourite TV show

9. First name of your significant other

Yes, it’s his real name. Hm. I don’t think I’ll leave this photo up for long because the name is so unusual; so if you’re looking at the original (seven letters, starts with T) consider yourself privileged. And, of course, you don’t have to be posh to be – God I hate that stupid advert!

10. The town in which you live

Slightly torn as I don’t strictly live in the above city. I live about midway between that and the one below… so choose the one you like best and just stick me there.

11. Your first job

12. Your dream job

13. A bad habit you have

14. Your worst fear

15. What you’d like to do before you die

The end! And I am going to tag Hannah, la, Amazing Lexie, The Razzler, and Kate, but it doesn’t mean you actually have to do it.

Defeat of an eco-warrior

dumpedbyahallucination — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 20:02:13 +0000

WordPress just deleted a post I spent a while on, so I’m not too chuffed. In other news, I also spent a while on practice-dredding (so pretty loosely) about quarter of my head, and my mother happened upon me and threw several minor fits and confiscated my comb and made me take ‘em all out again. Maybe when I leave home, eh?

Or when I get a lock on my door…

Dead dogs and drugged-up bumble bees

dumpedbyahallucination — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 16:10:55 +0000

Rhiannon is riding for a fall and how. She thinks she’s a bit cool. She thinks she’s more than a bit cool. She thinks she is not just the bee’s knees but also its head, thorax, and abdomen.

Edit: OK, this post was unnecessary. Here are the pertinent facts:

Rhiannon was annoying me.

So I was very rude about her to a bunch of strangers, ie. you.

And I’m a control freak.

Now the post is removed.

And this is my second dog-related title in six days, though now the content of the post is gone it’s possible it makes minimal sense.

Check out the tags if you missed it. They tell an entire story on their own.